Blatent Marysueizum
by graybird
Summary: In need of Beta! Dumbledore meddles, Hermione has a cause, Harry's along for the ride and Severus won't know what hit him. Warnings: AU,OC,OOC mild crack
1. Something sueish this way comes

Chapter One

Something Sueish this way comes

A man dressed in black with black, greasy,and lank shoulder length hair and a large hooked nose, sat in a comfortable chair in front of an ornate desk that was cluttered with a multitude of complex looking items. The man behind the desk had a long white beard,half moon spectacles and was wearing a blue and orange paisley robe with a matching pointy hat that drooped to the left.

"Severus my boy," Bubbled the old man "so glad you could pull yourself away from...whatever you were doing. I desperately need to talk to you!" The bespectacled man held out a silver bowel full of yellow candies. "Lemon drop?" The man named Severus shook his head to the negative. "No?! Fine. I'll get right to the point then shall I?" Severus glared. "Alright, alright. No need to be so grumpy!" The old man pouted, giving Severus a baleful glance.

"Albus, just tell me. I was in the middle of organizing next years lessons." Severus purred silkily. "I would like to finish before this weekend."

"OH! Have plans do you? hot date?" Albus enthused. Severus growled threateningly and made to stand up. "Oh do calm down my boy, I was joking." Albus said placatingly, motioning for Severus to stay seated. After he was sure Severus was going to stay, Albus folded his hands on his desk,his jovial expression shifting to a serious one.

"We need to discuss how to handle Miss Granger, and her insatiable need to undermine me."

Severus snorted. "Thats why you summoned me? Headmaster I am positive you can handle a young girl in her early twenties on your own." Severus chuckled darkly shaking his head in amusement.

"She has accomplices!" Albus exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air and waiving them wildly.

"A whole gang of rablerosers! They have no respect for the sacred traditions of our beloved school! Stop laughing!!" The last few words were squealed as the Headmaster's throat constricted with rage at the sight of Severus hunched over with his shoulders shaking and his face in his hands trying to smother the laughter trying to escape.

Severus took a few deep breathes and slowly righted himself, looking at the Headmaster in amusement his dark eyes still shimmering with mirth. "Rablerosers Headmaster? I was unaware that Granger's little group was causing you so much trouble, I apologies, if the greatest wizard of our time is unable to handle six young people, they must be nefarious indeed."

The Headmaster huffed and folded his arms across his thin chest. "You should take this seriously, if she gets her way your going to have twice the work load you have already." Albus looked at the other man over his glasses narrowing his eyes trying to convey the gravity of the situation.

Severus shook his head. "I don't see her succeeding, so I shall not worry unduly." Ablus grimaced.

"Do you know whom is in her 'little group', as you call it? HARRY JAMES BLOODY POTTER!! If he is backing Granger in her endeavors the Ministry will back them as well!"

Severus rolled his eyes "Of course he is in on it, why wouldn't he be? He has nothing to do now that Voldemort is defeated."

Severus hesitated then smirked. "Maybe he is trying to make Granger the new Dark Lord?" Severus snorted as the Headmasters eyes widened in fear. "Albus, why does it bother you to have her succeed? It would only help the schools and your reputation and standing in the community if you side with Granger instead of fighting her."

The Headmaster sighed. " I realize that Severus,but in allowing her to succeed in this would be like saying a twenty something girl fresh from school is able to out think the 'Greatest Wizard of our time', I have an image to up hold. Shes making me look bad! If she had come to me with this first I would have jumped on bored!! I would have! This whole late blooming wizards thing is an incredibly honorable endeavor, of course we should help and teach those who's magic hasn't manifested at the regular time! Of course I want to integrate the poor confused souls into our world kindly and respectfully! SHE SHOULD HAVE COME TO ME, BUT NOOOO SHE WENT RENEGADE!" Albus was panting after his outburst and misinterpreting gave an apologetic look to Severus who was by that time looking scandalized.

"You mean to tell me, Headmaster, that the only reason that you are not behind this endeavor is that you wanted to head it? That by Granger taking the intuitive she is 'making you look bad'?!" Severus seethed.

"How dare you!" Severus stood and pointed a pallid slender finger at the Headmaster " You've gone too far this time, Dumbledore! I am going to make it my mission to see that Miss Granger succeeds, your image be damned!" With that Severus turned to leave, his robes billowing as he stocked to the door.

The Headmaster gaped at the tall man as he made his way grumbling towards the door. Then smirked,as the door slammed shut, his eyes twinkling madly."That went well, wouldn't you say Hermione?" Dumbledore asked the bushy haired women who stepped out from behind a bookcase.

She smiled as she slid it back into place."Oh yes Headmaster! you did wonderfully, he would have said no if I asked him to help, or made me bribe him, this way hes all gung-ho about it!" Hermione Granger giggled lightly and clapped her hands. She glared suddenly at the old man. "Renegade?"

"Ah ha ha, I was only making my performance more realistic my dear! you mustn't think I was serious!" Dumbledore chuckled nervously. Granger while petite and a good head shorter then the headmaster, was a fearsome opponent when agitated, it was unthinkable to consider her angry at him for anything. Hermione smiled and nodded. "It was an excellent performance sir,I'm quite impressed. I'll tell Harry you said hello shall I? good good, im off then. Ta!" Dumbledore shuddered as she pranced out the door.

That is how it all began.


	2. Trippy

Authoress note: Hi. in case your thoroughly confused, yes this is AU, and yes i am planning on making it less confusing...eventually, you'll have to read it to find answers to your questions. also, i cant for the life of me think of a name for Hermione's group. reader suggestions would be the sunshine to my dark and forlorn little world. im also looking for a beta. KTHXBAI

Chapter Two

Trippy

or

The Sue Has Landed

On a sunny suburban street with Cookie Cutter Houses and White Picket Fences, an ominous shadow descended. It landed in a bush. Two other ominous shadows landed behind said bush.

"Merlin potter,you'd think the Savior of the Wizarding World, could apperate without incident." said an irate Severus Snape in a harsh whisper.

The young man in question carefully picked his way out of the bush and brushed himself off and sighed quietly. Harry Potter wondered briefly if the bush would be alright. He shrugged it off, it didn't look badly damaged, it did look a little annoyed though. He slowly edged closer to Snape, casting a weary glance at the bush, Herbology hadn't taught him much, but it did teach him to be weary of annoyed looking plant life. "Sorry Sir, I never can get the landings right." he whispered softly. He looked around with mild interest and looked to his other companion. "Is this the place Hermione?"

Hermione Granger pulled a leaf out of Harry's hair and nodded. "yes, the house right next to this actually."she smiled fondly at her long time friend,wondering at how,even though she had shown him pictures of the house,made him memorize the street and house address,showed him where it was on a map AND gave him a brief history on the small town, he still had to ask if they were in the right place. She suddenly sent a brilliant smile in Snape's general direction. "Did you bring The Pamphlets?"

Snape twitched slightly and nodded after checking his pockets, although unsure as to how he did infact bring them, he thought he had left them on his desk in his office,Miss Granger was getting far too familiar with him, The Pamphlets had mysteriously appeared on his person. He shuddered slightly wondering how she'd gotten so close without him knowing. He took The Pamphlets out and handed them to Hermione. She thanked him and counted them quickly. "Good good, we have enough for the four on this side of the country and a few left over for just incases" she nodded happily and flounced out from behind the abused bush and made her way to the house next two minio...friends followed behind her, one wearily and one gazing lazily at the passing clouds.

"Nice day for it,eh Sev?" Asked Harry glancing away from the sky for a moment to see the expression on his former teachers face. It wasn't a pleased look. Harry hurried to catch up to Hermione before Snape could do something unthinkable to him. When he felt safer near his friend he glanced behind to beam at Snape, then slinged an arm around Hermione's shoulders as Snape started to advance at a frightening pace.

"Harry, stop picking on Professor Snape." Hermione said absently as she pushed Harry's arm off gently.

Snape growled menacingly at Harry and pounced when Harry was close enough then thwacked him upside his head. Harry retaliated by hopping slightly to pull Snapes hair. Snape wrapped an arm around a struggling and squealing Harry's neck and proceeded to give him a nookie. Harry yelped and thrashed desperately causing Hermione to turn around. " Now is not the time to be playing you two! Pull it together,we have arrived." The two men looked chastised and straightened their clothes actively avoiding the others gaze. "We were not playing." Hissed Snape, Harry nodded in agreement. "It was a Manly Battle to the Death,'Moine." Whined Harry.

Hermione, ignoring them, smiled as she walked up the steps to the small light blue house that one of The Targets lived in and knocked on the door. There was a crash a few muffled curses and another crash. Harry and Snape looked at each other then at Hermione who was smiling fixedly at the door, Harry looked back at Snape who raised The Eyebrow and shrugged. They both jumped (Snape vehemently denied this) as the door burst open.

A young women in her early twenties had opened the door. She had dark brown hair tied back in a messy bun, and honey brown eyes that glared at the trio behind slightly askew glasses. she was about 5'7 and was wearing a loose T-shirt and dark blue Jeans, she had what looked like blood splattered across her shirt. It could have been spaghetti sauce. She was giving Hermione a pointedly annoyed look. "This had better be Life or Death, because if its not....its going to be." she tapped her bare foot and glanced down when she saw the strange people at her door staring at her shirt. " I was cooking." she gave them a shifty look for a moment. " Spaghetti. What do you want?"

Hermione stepped forward and held up A Pamphlet. "Before we get started we need you to read this." Hermione said gravely.

The girl snatched The Pamphlet out of Hermione's hand. "OK thanks for the Litter, but I don't like Religion Salesm...people." She gave Hermione a small smile.

"So if you...Hey, do you know who you guys kinda look like?"

Hermione smiled encouragingly and waited for her to connect the dots, so to speak. " Like some of the people from those Harry Potter books and or movies, what have you, Do you know them? I prefer the books personally, Hollywood bastardized the series, It pissed me off hardcore you guys," The girl waved The Pamphlet about haphazardly " I'm STILL mad about it, I mean I was reading the books since I was 14! Right? And the Movies make Harry look like a jackass all emo and shit." Snape snorted at this, earning an elbow in the ribs from Harry.

" I mean yeah he's gonna have problems his Aunt and Uncle abused and neglected him, and if that wasn't fucked up enough the minute he finds out hes a wizard the bastards expect him to save the world! you know? Do you wanna come in?"

She waved them inside and closed the door after them continuing her Monologue uninterrupted. "And after a whole bunch of awesome books, the bitch, J.K Rolling I mean, kills off my favorite character!! Admittedly she waited till the last book, but I think she just did it to make more money, shes a sensationalist I tell you! Sit sit, make yourselfs at home you guys."

At this point they had made it to the living room where Harry and Hermione sat on the love seat that was facing the other longer couch with a coffee table between them, leaving Snape to sit on the main couch with the chattering girl. Snape absently wondered when she had time to breath and settled on the couch. "Do you guys want some thing to drink? I just made some ice tea." Without waiting for an answer she left abruptly and the slightly frighted trio heard small crashes in a different part of the house.

"Shes mad!" breathed Harry. "We gotta guh..." He trailed off when their hostess wondered back into the room carrying a tray with a pitcher of ice tea, four glasses already full with long spoons in each glass and two small bowels that had sugar in one and sliced lemon in another. She placed the tray on the coffee table and handed the drinks out. "I didn't know how you wanted in them so I figured you can sweeten to taste or whatever."

She bounced on her couch a little as she watched Harry and Hermione make their drinks. She glanced at Snape noticing he wasn't fixing or drinking his tea. She poked him on the arm "Not thirsty?" He shook his head with a little glare. "K, so what Religion are you guys with? Are you in a cult?!" She asked excitedly.

Hermione shook her head. "Read The Pamphlet, It will explain everything, dear." Hermione said kindly and watched as the girl nodded and began to read. She stopped and looked at them and raised an eyebrow that could have contended with Snapes. " Yeah OK, your part of a Harry Potter cult, that's neat. But I don't wanna join...I got stuff to do..and Things also." she looked around shiftily. "The Things are important." She nodded in agreement with herself. Harry giggled nervously.

Hermione gave the girl a strange look and shook her head slowly."Nooooo not a cult, Professor if you would be so kind?" Snape pulled his wand out of his robe and glared as Harry giggled again, he lazily waved his wand and the tray on the coffee table rose sedately into the air. The girl stared at it for a minute then blinked a few times she then cleaned her glasses on Snapes robes and looked at the tray again. It was still floating.

"Trippy."


	3. ZOMGWTF

Authoress note: I am sorry about the run on sentences, that just how she talks...it needs to happen unfortunately.

once the story gets going the chapters will probably get longer...i promise nothing tho. NOTHING!! that wont be for a while ...this story is going to be long,

bordering on epic. its going to be a long strange trip. i suggest you get snacks.

Much luf kthxbai

Chapter Three

ZOMGWTF

or

They explain to Sue

or

Snape feels dirty

"Trippy." Said the now very pale girl sitting on the couch next to Snape. "You wouldn't have happened to have...uh,snuck in last night or something and like,er tied strings or glued magnets to random stuff in my house did you?" She swiped a hand under and over the tray, knocking over the pitcher of iced tea on the way. She got up to get some towels but Harry had already righted the pitcher and cleaned up the tea with a few swishes of his wand.

"No." Snape said shortly. The girl whimpered and sat back down heavily. "Oh. So your really?" Snape nodded. The girl squealed suddenly and started to twitch,Snape quickly forced a calming drought down her throat. Hermione jumped up and sat down next to the slightly less hysterical girl and patted her back. "Its OK dear, its hard to understand, I know, just relax, that's it ,there's a good girl." Hermione crooned the girl for a few minuets until she calmed down. Then she asked."Do you have any questions?"

The girl nodded and took a deep breath. "OH MY GOD WHAT THE BLOODY BUGGERING FUCK IS GOING ON? WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE!? WHAT DO YOU WANT WITH ME?!! Can I have one of those wands?" Harry had dived behind the love seat as the first screeched word had left the girls had sat calmly and watched ,as the girls face turned red, with interest. No one had gotten that loud before, the rest had handled it much better.

Hermione covered her ears and waited till the girl had stopped screaming. then calmly said." You, my dear are a witch whos powers have bloomed late in life( they were supposed to manifest anywhere from 8-11 years of age) that's the answer to your first question. I am Hermione Granger, that's Severus Snape, and he is Harry Potter. That's the answer to your second question. We are here to bring you back with us to learn how to control and use your powers in a productive manner. That's the answer to your third question. And yes you do get a wand of your very own. Any other questions? No? Good, you would have known all that if you had bothered to read past the first page of my Pamphlet you know."

Harry cautiously peeked out from behind the couch.

The girl stared at Hermione, then turned her gaze to harry, who flinched and ducked back behind the couch, and finally turned to look at Snape, who smirked. she suddenly pushed Hermione out of the way and launched herself at Snape, who didn't even have a chance to raise his wand to defend himself. She wrapped her arms around Snape in a painfully tight grip and started squealing wordlessly at first, then slowly words began to form. " OH MY GAWD YOUR ALIVE!! IM SOOOO HAPPY!!! EEEEKEEEEK HOWD YOU SURVIVE? do you have a scar? can I see?" the last was whispered in a reverent voice as the girl looked up at him with puppy dog eyes.

Snape tried desperately to get away, but failed miserably as the girls arms tightened as she felt him move. "Get off me you foolish girl! I was never attacked, alright? so there is no scar for you to see. GET OFF ME!" The girl let Snape go then backed off a bit, still looking at Snape rather starry eyed. Suddenly Harry could be heard giggling. "Thats fantastic!! They usually jump on me or Draco!! Merlin, I wish I had had a camera for that!" Harry quickly dove back behind the couch at the glare Snape sent his way.

A pouty Harry could be heard muttering."I mean, its only fair, I get mauled several times a day, Draco twice as much as that, even Ron and Hermione get hugs sometimes. but nooooo Severus Bloody Snape doesn't have to have fangirls AND boys pawing at him all the time. s'not fair." He was Ignored.

Hermione looked at the girl." I'm sorry, Dear we didn't hear your name?" Hermione asked pointedly. She had to wave a hand in front of the girls face before she got an answer.

Still looking at Snape she said. " Rebbecca Mosley. Call me Mo. If you don't I wont answer." She sent snape what she thought was a dazzling smile. it was more of a leer. "you can call me whatever you want." Snape choked on air and Harry giggled comeing out from behind the couch now that he was sure he wasn't getting mauled.

Hermione rubbed her hands together in a business like manner. "Alright now that that's all settled, we can..." Hermione was interrupted by a explosion in the kitchen. Mo jumped up " MAH SPAGHETTI!!" she screamed and ran from the room with Hermione and the others hot on her trail. It sounded like the stove had exploded. When they got to the kitchen the walls where covered from ceiling to floor with the same red substance on the girls shirt. Mo was hopping from foot to foot. "Ohh this is horrible! They finally let me use the stove again and THIS happens? I'm never gonna be allowed to cook again! ohhhhhhh!" She marveled at the suddenly clean smirked, it was rather frightening both Harry and Snape thought.

"There you go dear, Nothing to it. When your properly trained you will be able to do the same thing." Hermione said smugly. She suddenly found her arms full of Mo.

" Oh THANK YOU Hermione!! They were gonna be SO mad!" Mo clung to Hermione tightly and bounced them both a few times before letting go. Mo beamed at Hermione

and patted her rump causing Hermione to jump. Snape and Harry glanced at each other and both tried to stifle chuckles at the look on Hermione's face.

"Uh. Yes, your welcome Mo. So did you want to go pack so we can get going?" Hermione asked, rallying marvelously at the girls strange behavior.

Mo looked puzzled and cocked her head to the side. "pack? where am i going? am i being kidnapped? that would be spiffy!" Mo bounced and clapped her hand giddily.

Hermione shook her head and opened her mouth to speak. Snape beat her to it. "What part of 'going to teach you magic' did you not understand? We are taking you to Hogwarts to teach you to be a witch in a special three year course that will teach you all the basics in a short amount of time! ITS A BRILLIANT PLAN NOW GO PACK!!" Snape took a deep breath and raised The Eyebrow when all Mo did was stare at him with a dreamy faraway look in her eye.

She snapped out of it when Harry tugged on her hand, he was rather worried about the look snape was giving her. Snape would get in a lot of trouble if he hexed another late bloomer. "C'mon Mo go pack real quick then we can go get lunch, hm?" Harry said hurriedly as he pushed Mo gently towards the stairs "K Harry." she patted Harry lightly on the shoulder then went to her room to pack.

"I like her! shes ...fun!" Harry exclaimed, it was rare for him to find someone who didn't cling to him constantly or giggle when ever he spoke. it was quite refreshing.

He wonder vaguely if being famous most of his life had jaded him to female affection. he shrugged it off. he wasn't interested in dating at the moment, he gazed at Snape thoughtfully looking away quickly when Snape caught him looking. Snape hmm'd and wondered what was taking that girl so long. although he thought the longer she took the better. Snape found her Incredibly annoying, more annoying then Potter at any rate and that was saying something,he looked at the young man suspiciously for a minute then sighed in exasperation at how long that ridiculous Mo was taking.

Hermione watched the two men with amusement for a while,then frowned at Snapes sigh. What was that about? she thought briefly about the implications of snape sighing when looking at Harry and Harry blushing slightly after Snape had caught Harry looking at him. There was a loud thump from upstairs that derailed her train of thought quite expertly. "Maybe I should go check on her..." Hermione said as she started up the stairs she was run down by Mo and several suit cases. Mo helped her up and dusted her off apologizing profusely. Mo had changed into a black tank top and brown ankle boots she had apparently decided not to change her jeans probable because the sauce had just gotten on her shirt.

"sorry it took so long you guys, I couldn't decide what I wanted to take. Ive decided to take it all!!" Mo giggled then sobered. "What about my roommates? Do you think I should leave a note?" The other three shook their heads and Harry answered " No, we took care of them." At Mos wide eyed look he explained. "We Modified their memories. They are going to think that you moved to England a week ago. You had a nice going away party!" Harry giggled at Mo's confused look.

" When did you do that? and I thought Hogwarts was in Scotland." Mo asked more then a little confused. "Earlier this afternoon. No, it's in London Rowling's a liar." Harry answered happily. "We had to wait until both of them left you alone here." He beamed at Mo. Mo smiled back. "My family too? OHH that's why they where asking how the flight was!! Awesome. I thought I had gone insane." Mo grinned at Snape when he snorted. "Dibs on Sevvie-kins when we apparate!!" Mo Bubbled enthusiastically.

Snape shuddered.

P.S. I want a review!! just one...it would make me soooo happy! please let me knope what you think people. also there is going to be about five other OCs that are going to pop fairly regularly. i want you guys to name them, cuz i suck at names...so hard do i suck..you people have know idea.


	4. Orientation

Authoress note: this is going to be a long one.. i worked all day on it so its a respectable length. No one gave me name ideas, so im just going to name them brought this on your own heads. Happy belated Halloween!

Chapter Four

Sue's Not in Kansas any more

or

Orientation

Mo chuckled lightly as Snape shuddered and gathered up her bags from where they had fallen, eager to go to a place she had thought was fiction.

She considered leaving a note for her roommates anyway just to freak them out but decided against it, she didn't want get into trouble the first day she met apparently nonfictional characters from her favorite series. This caused her some concern, what else was real that was considered fantasy? Bigfoot? Lockness? Aliens? Apparently Mermaids were real, they were in the books. Unless Rowling lied about that too. Mo's head started to hurt, these type of thoughts kept looping like a broken record in her was rather unpleasant. She looked at Hermione, or Herms as Mo had dubbed her in the crazier recesses of her mind. Hermione was a Women With Answers.

"Hermione? I have a few more questions!" Mo said the last a little loudly, Hermione was gazing at Snape with a thoughtful expression and didn't respond when her name was called.

Hermione jumped and looked at Mo with an annoyed look and was about to answer when Snape beat her to it. "You can wait until orientation, like all the others. We haven't got time. There are a few others we need to pick up. So we are dropping you off at Hogwarts." He took one of her bags from her and glared at Harry to do the same who scurried over to grasp one in each hand. For packing everything the girl owned she didn't have much luggage, only one large duffel and two smaller suit cases.

Mo looked panicked and tried to pull her luggage away from Snape. " Your going to ditch me in a place I've never been to? Just drop me off and leave? I'll get lost!!" She wailed a little hysterically still tugging on her luggage. Snape had a firm grip on the bag and was not letting go. "We are going to leave you with the Orientation witch! How dare you insinuate that we would be so irresponsible, you stupid girl!" With a final yank Mo's bag was wrenched from her hands . Snape held out his arm for Mo. "Hold on tight, its a little difficult your first time." Mo latched onto Snapes arm and gave him a chastised grin. "Sorry Professor. Hehee Professor, that's fun. I should have known better." Mo gave Snapes arm a little hug , Snape sniffed in response. Snape looked at Hermione and Harry. "Shall we?" He asked coldly,after they nodded there was three loud pops and the kitchen was empty.

Later when Mo's roommates got home they wondered about the tray, pitcher, glasses and condiments that were left out in the living room and the three jugs of iced tea in the fridge. Their conclusion was that a very strange criminal broke in.

~;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;APPERATIONWOOOOOOOTAPPERATIONWOOOOOOOOOTAPPERATIONWOOOOOOOOTAPPERATIONBITCHESWOOOT;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:~

Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry was exactly what you would expect, it was a castle, it was old and it was made of stone. Mo was impressed but also relieved that at least the school was what she thought it was going to be. Harry Hermione and Snape led Mo into the castle and to the Great Hall where it already had a few people gathered in small groups. Harry hung back, trying to not get noticed. He fled when a few girls squealed and started in his direction taking Mo's Luggage with him. "HEY THATS MAH STUFF HARRY!" Mo started to chase him and stopped when he called over his shoulder "I'll take it to your room!" Mo looked a little confused but shrugged and giggled when Snapes glare stopped the girls from continuing their chase of Harry.

The Great Hall was decorated in the Hogwarts colors with a big banner hanging in midair, fluttering even though there was no breeze, it said 'Welcome New Students!' in silvery letters. Mo was still admiring the decorations when Snape cleared his throat,she looked up at him with a quizzical look. "I'll have the House Elfs take this to your room." He said lifting the bag slightly to indicate it. " I'll see you in class." Snape said after Mo had nodded. Mo looked excited. "I get to be in your class!!? Thats so Awesome! with a capital' A' man! ee!" She lunged at Snape to give him a hug but stumbled slightly when Snape side stepped out of the way. Mo looked miffed but shrugged it off, she liked Snape grumpy. "Yes, will give you your schedule. Good day." With that he walked away ignoring Mo's little goodbye wave.

Mo looked for Hermione who was standing near by with a smug look about her. "Proud of yourself, are you?" Mo asked sliding up beside Hermione. Hermione gave her A Look but nodded."Yes, it took a while but my plans have finally come to fruition." Mo waited for the evil laugh that usually accompanied a sentence that had plans and fruition in it at the same time. It didn't come. So she smiled and said."Good for you Herms!" and patted Hermione on the back. Hermione was about to question Mo about the nickname but decided to drop it. She was too happy to be annoyed, Her plans were so successful that it had taken less then three months to get to this point, and the fact that she had to work with the Ministry it taking such a short amount of time was miraculous.

Mo interrupted her thoughts by asking. " When do I get a wand!?" Hermione smiled and patted her shoulder. " After orientation we are taking all of you to Diagon Ally. Isn't that exciting?" Hermione asked a little condescendingly. Mo ignored the tone and nodded happily bouncing, it was exciting, she felt she was going to explode with joy at the very thought of going to Diagon Ally, she hoped orientation wasn't too long. She had trouble sitting still for long periods of time even when she wasn't excited.

"EVERY ONE TO YOUR SEATS PLEASE ORIENTATION WILL BEGUINE SHORTLY!" said a magically amplified female voice. Hermione jumped remembering she was to pick up three more Late Bloomers before Orientation was supposed to start. She bid Mo a hasty goodbye and was off to join Snape and Harry outside.

Mo looked little forlorn standing by herself, she looked around for a table and decided to sit in the back so she could see when Hermione and the new people came back. it was also a quick exit in case she needed a smoke before orientation. Speaking of a smoke. Mo got up and meandered out side just in time for Snape to give her a startled look before apperation took him away. Mo grinned to her self and pulled out a cigarette,lit it and took a long drag, her eyes rolling back in pleasure as she exhaled.

" Oh yeah, that's the good stuff baby." She took her time smoking and enjoined it like a Concierge enjoys fine wine. There were only a few things in life Mo did with much enthusiasm, one of them was reading Terry Pratchett novels, another was reading Fanfiction, the hobby she enjoyed the most though was smoking her cigarettes. Nothing made her happier then waking up in the morning and the first thing she saw was her pack sitting on her bed side table with a lighter next to it.

She liked to say it made the world a brighter place,made the beds softer and rose the moon every night. The only thing she did religiously was smoke.

She was still smoking when Hermione arrived with her entorage plus a frightend looking man with dirty blond hair and tanned skin in his mid twenties. She rose an eyebrow when the new guy started shaking Harry and yelling. " I never even read the books! Or saw the movies! WHY IS THIS HAPPENING!? IM A GOOD CHRISTIAN!"

Snape grabbed him and shoved him in Mos direction pointing a finger at her when the man fell to his knees. " Explain to him and take him inside. And put that filthy thing out!" After Snape snapped that out he and the other two disappeared again.

Mo took another puff and glared at the spot Snape had occupied and made her way over to the trebling man and helped him up. "Up you get new friend, my name's Mo, whats yours?" She asked dusting him off. He whimpered softy and muttered in a wobbly voice. " Ted Shelters, and and Imma....Imma goooood boy." He sniffled at Mo who looked sympathetic. "Yeah I heard about that." She nodded and quickly told him as much as she knew and that orientation was going to start soon to fill in the rest.

Ted stared vacantly and shook his head when Mo offerd him a cigarette. Mo was insulted, she never shared her smokes. She gave him a dirty look he didn't see and lit a fresh Cigarette with the stump of the old one. "So TeddyBear where you from? wheres your hood hooomie." she attempted a gang sign inadvertently making the American Sigh language sign for 'I understand for three dollars'. Ted gave her a frightened look and said "Nebraska...My parents are farmers." Mo nodded knowingly "Ah yes, Corn. I love corn." Mo said smoothly and gave him a grin. Ted nodded and watched her blow smoke rings for a minute. He decided to try a favorite opening line for when he met new people. " So, would you like to hear some good news about your immortal soul?"

Two things happened instantly after Ted had spoken, the first was Mo deciding she was going to avoid Ted like the plague from now on. The second was Hermione Harry and Snape popped back into existence with another person effectively scaring the living day lights out of both Ted and Mo. Mo held her cigarette behind her back and said sweetly. " Ted has calmed down a bit now." Ted looked at Snape a little sullenly but nodded.

Snape decided to ignore them and the smoke slowly rising from behind Mo. He jerked a thumb in the direction of Mo and Ted and spoke to the new arrival. "They will show you to the Great Hall." Harry waved bye to the tall dark haired olive skinned male they brought with them and the three popped once again out of existence.

" Hiya! I'm Mo, this is Ted he is after your soul." Mo said happily then waved and resumed smoking. "Whats your name new friend?" Mo asked the new comer.

"Bond, Neil Bond. whats up?" Neil held out a hand to Mo who shook it then to Ted who did the same. Mo giggled "Is that how you always introduce your self?"

Neil nodded and blushed a little. "Cant help it with my last name...Its almost mandatory." Ted nodded in agreement then said reproachfully. " Im not really after your soul you know...I was just trying to tell her the good news about Jesus." Mo rolled her eyes and pantomimed shooting herself in the head behind Teds back and smiled at him when he turned around.

" Anyway guys, I'll show you the Great Hall just as soon as I finish this." she said indicating her Cigarette. Neil nodded and popped a piece of gum in his mouth and said. "I quit a year ago. Best thing I ever did, I was able to save up for a car with all the money I saved." Mo nodded, she was didn't mind quitters, more cigarettes for her. " Good for you, guy. What kind of car did y--." Mo was interrupted by Ted who whined. "I thought you said orientation was gonna start soon?"

Ted did not enjoy being ignored, especially not by heathens. Mo glared at him for a second. " Yeah when they bring the last person, I said that...weren't you listening? I could have imparted life or death information Teddy." Ted paled and whimpered. "D-did you?!" Mo shook her head smiling evilly. " Grow a pair dude. Seriously." This came from Neil who was really starting to dislike Ted.

Neil looked over at the three loud Pops behind him. Between then Harry and Snape were supporting a plump girl who had apparently fainted. They walked over to Ted Neil and Mo. Mo quickly put out her Cigarette and pocketed the rest of it. She firmly believed in 'waste not want not'. "How'd you do that?" Mo asked pointing at the girl

"Three fictional characters appeared in her living room unannounced." Said Harry with a glare towards Hermione. " We didn't have time to knock! The Orientation is going to start soon!" Hermione wailed a little frantically.

Ted looked at Mo smugly. Mo ignored him pointedly. "Is she the last one?" Mo asked. Hermione nodded and hurried them up the stairs through the front door and to the Great Hall by the time they got there Mo Neil and Ted were feeling harassed. Mo pushed Ted out of shier vexation and scurried away to the back table before he could get back at her. Neil sat next to her and Ted next to him.

Hermione made her way up to the teachers podium and started talking quietly to who Mo assumed was . Snape and Harry deposited the unconscious girl on the floor in a far corner and left her there shaking their made their way up to the teachers podium and stood near Hermione.

stood behind the podium and looked at the assembly waiting for people to settle down so she could begin. Hermione wasn't as patient and pointed her wand to her throat and her magically amplified voice said. "QUITE DOWN EVERY ONE, WE ARE ABOUT TO BEGIN." thanked Hermione and addressed the now attentive assembly.

"As you know this is Hogwarts School of Witch and Wizardry. And as you my have noticed things are not as they are in the books. I'm here today to explain the differences and answer any questions you might have." The women smiled at the nodding heads before her. "Firstly I'm going to explain how the books came out in the first place.  
J.K. Rowling is a squib and the daughter of a low ranking ministry official, she lived in muggle London living a muggle life all the while hearing news about the Wizarding world from her family. She decided, after Harry Potter's second year, to start writing a 'children's book'. She did very well obviously. But she made a few things different from what really happened." paused for a moment and looked at the rapted faces before her. She solemnly continued.

" The first being the animosity between Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy. Mr. Potter was indeed the youngest player in Hogwarts for quiet a while but that was because no other first years where good enough to make the team, Mr. Potter took to a broom like fish to water. and were indifferent to each other until started Quiddich in second year, then they were friendly rivles. was part of the effort against Voldemort as was his father, although while the younger Malfoy stood beside facing Voldemort, Malfoy senior was a spy. No one knew except Dumbledore, who wanted to keep it secret until the war was over."

smiled indulgently at the confused and outraged faces before her."No one, except Madam Rowling, knows why she decided to demonize the Malfoys,but we do know that her accusations are unfounded. Secondly is the relationship between Professor Snape and . While it was a little rocky, they had over come their differences by Fifth year. We are not sure how Rowling knew about the pensive incident but that was true and what happened in it was also." At this Snape snorted

and Harry blushed at Snapes discomfort.

continued. "Oh, and Sirius Black is still alive, the battle at the Ministry did happen, but Black did not fall through the Vail. He is alive and well and was cleared for murder after Voldemort was defeated and the truth about Wormtail was believed. Remus Lupin and Tonks did not get married nor did they die in the Hogwarts Battle. Rowling lied. Obviously Professor Snape didn't die either." She added as an after thought to the amusement of everyone in the Great Hall.

Mo was rather scandalized but very pleased. She liked the Malfoys in the books, she had a thing for villains. Sirius and Lupin, as far as she was concerned, were somewhere having rabid dog sex as she sat there. She grinned to herself, she had liked that fanfiction.

~~~:;:;:;;;:;:;;end of chapter:;:;:;:;:;:;:;;~~~

Ok fith chapter is coming soon.


	5. Orientation Part 2

FYI: for those of you who dont know this; i dont own Harry Potter...shocking!

Orientation Part two

or

The Twins make an appearance

in our last installment:

continued. "Oh, and Sirius Black is still alive, the battle at the Ministry did happen, but Black did not fall through the Vail. He is alive and well and was cleared for murder after Voldemort was defeated and the truth about Wormtail was believed. Remus Lupin and Tonks did not get married nor did they die in the Hogwarts Battle. Rowling lied. Obviously Professor Snape didn't die either." She added as an after thought to the amusement of everyone in the Great Hall.

Mo was rather scandalized but very pleased. She liked the Malfoys in the books, she had a thing for villains. Sirius and Lupin, as far as she was concerned, are having rabid dog sex as she sat there. She grinned to herself, she had liked that fanfiction.

~~oroorooroorooroorooroorooro~~~~

The Orientation witch droned on telling the assembly that the epilogue was complete bunk, very one was unmarried if not single.

So far,in Mo's opinion, the orientation was like a plot device in a badly written fanfiction that needed to get a foundation for the story done quickly so the juicy stuff could happen. Or what they call a 'Writers Convenience'. Like the mad scientist near death in a B rated scifi flick that dies after telling the hero how to kill the mutated alien zombies and giving the experiment a back story.

Mo shook her head dislodging these thoughts, they were counterproductive. She needed to focus on the fact that she was right. Rowling had killed off most of her favorite characters for fun and profit. The bitch WAS a sensationalist. Most distressing of all was that two suspiciously innocent looking twin gingers and just snuck into the great hall unnoticed by most. The hairs rose on the back of Mo's neck. Weaslys. She remembered with a shudder that these two were notorious pranksters in the books and the stars of many interesting fanfictions.

She nudged Neil gesturing to the twins in a frantic manner. Neil grinned and stifled a snicker, clearly he was a fan of Fred and George Weasly. Mo was not pleased.

The Twins,while amusing,were not her cup of metaphorical tea. Especially because they had tormented her favorite teacher,Snape. She vowed then to punish the Weaslys.

They needed an attitude adjustment.

Neil on the other had was immensely pleased. Unaware of Mo's vendetta. Neil was waiting with baited breath for whatever The Twins had in store. Neil had loved the antics the Weasly twins had gotten up too and had cried tears of grief when George and died, or was it Fred? Neil shrugged mentally. It didn't matter,they were alive, and the world was a brighter place because of it.

On the other side of The Hall in a corner a girl was feigning unconsciousness slumped against the wall. Her Name was Dezi, and she was listening with great interest to what was saying. Right now she was explaining the the battle at Hogwarts had indeed happened but the death toll was exponentially smaller then what Rowling had written. Apparently the Death Eaters had for the most part been wiped out while the side of Light had only lost one or two and that the Malfoys were to thank for the inside information that had readied the school and The Order for Voldemorts attack.

After the initial shock of three people popping into her living room literally out of thin air Dezi was slowly beginning to realize her medication was still working and she was NOT hallucinating if the cold seeping up from the hard stone causing an unpleasant numbing sensation in her backside was anything to go by she was not dreaming either.

This caused her great deals of equal amounts of distress and dizzying joy, her life up until this point had been monumentally boring and full of disappointment. At the same time she was comfortable with routine and had been unwilling,despite her friends urging,to cut the umbilical cord and move out of her mothers house even though she was twenty one and needed to gain some Independence. Before Dezi had fainted Hermione had told her in one breath that

Quote: "yourawitchwhogotherpowerslatewedontknowwhybutwehavetoleaverightnowGETYOURASSPACKEDWEARELEAVINGNOW!!" End Quote.

It had taken Dezi a moment to decipher what the frantic women had said but when she did she had fainted causing Harry to Accio the clothes out of Dezi's closet and draws then promptly summon Dobby to deliver them to an unoccupied room. Dezi didn't now this but she was faithful in the knowledge that if what Hermione had told her was true then Dezi could wait until she had learned transfiguration to have clean clothes.

Dezi decided to stop pretending. She stood up and stealthily rubbed some feeling back into her posterior and slid quietly into an open seat. People were so entranced by the monologue that no one noticed Dezi's actions. This pleased her. She didn't want to be known as The-Girl-Who-Fainted for the rest of her Hogwarts career.

seemed to be winding down, she had just finished the monologue with the explanation for the Horocruxes. They apparently were real. She was now taking questions. As she answered a very personal question regarding Ron Weaslys sexual orientation courtesy of the twins whispered suggestion to a giggling fangirl, Mo was fighting the urge to throw something at Snape.

She had been trying to get his attention for the last five minutes. Snape was having none of it, he kept his eyes trained obsessively on causing said women some discomfort. Mo huffed in irritation, fine, if Snape wanted to get a magical water balloon to the face,or what have you, then so be it. Mo rose slightly from the bench and started waving a little wildly trying a desperate last attempt to gain Snapes attention.

"You had a question young lady?" Mrs. Fonagan asked Mo who had looked like she desperately needed some answers from point of view.

Mo stared at blankly for a second then smiled brilliantly at her. "Why is Professor Snape so willing to get pranked or allow pranks to be pulled in his presence?" Mo asked innocently. Snape twitched but kept his gaze fixed on who looked at him a little bewildered. The Twins slowly turned as one and stared at Mo with interest. Mo looked back at them with a blank look then turned back to with a questioning smile.

"Weeeeeelllllllll, I'm sure Professor Snape isn't the type to let pranks go unpunished..." She looked at Snape for guidance and received none. Mrs. Fonagan floundered under Mo's raised eyebrow and said. " I'm sure he will or would punish anyone severely if they pranked him or around him." Mrs. Fonagan nodded in agreement with herself and gave Mo a conspiratorial look and announced. " So I wouldn't try anything if I was you dear."

Mo smiled and nodded. "Of course not,I'm not stupid enough to try anything with him in the same room!" Mo giggled and waved the notion and attention away. Mrs. Fonagan smiled and nodded and moved on to the next question. Mo smiled at the flabbergasted twins who currently were looking at her with suspicion mixed with irritation. Mo's smirking was interrupted by a vicious elbow in the side.

Neil, who had been looking forward to whatever the twins were about to do,was severely disappointed that Mo had ruined the show so he jabbed her in the side with a furious look that promised vengeance and only flinched a little when Mo punched him in the arm,the pain was blocked by anger even though she had given him a dead arm.

He whispered harshly at her. "What did you do that for?!" Mo rolled her eyes and said back in a just as harsh whisper. " Gingers bug me when they come in pairs."

Neil gave her an affronted look and turned away determined never to speak to her again and rubbed his arm convinced she had left a bruise.

The Twins gave Mo a glare that she returned easily and stuck out her tongue. Oh snaps. The Twins thought. They knew a challenger when they saw one, and they were never ones to back down when it stared them in the face crossing her eyes and doing a victory dance in her seat. It Was On.

The twins, whispering quietly to each other, found seats in the front of the hall away from Mo's prying eyes as announced that any further question could be answered by herself or Hermione, or by reading The Pamphlet that Hermione had given out, at a later time. It was now time, she said, for the sorting.

This caused an uproar form the entire Great Hall, who had thought that the sorting was only for first years. Mrs. Fonagan explained that since they were sort of like first years, in the way they had no idea what was going on, they had to be sorted like them.

Everyone who had not already been sorted was beside themselves with joy. This was every fanpersons dream, a chance at the sorting hat!

~~~~~~~end of chapter~~~~~~~

XD i am having so much fun with this.


	6. The Sorting Hat

Authoress note: Dezi has a potty mouth! Beware! sorting song is loosely based on, from Dr. Demento's Delights, 'They're Coming to Take Me Away, Ha-Haaa '

Chapter Six

The Sorting Hat

or

My wand is bigger then yours

In our last installment:

Mrs. Fonagan announced that any further questions could be answered by herself or Hermione or reading The Pamphlet, at a later time. It was now time,she said, for the sorting.

This caused an uproar form the entire Great Hall, who had thought that the sorting was only for first years. Mrs. Fonagan explained that since they were sort of like first years, in the way they had no idea what was going on, they had to be sorted like them.

Everyone who had not already been sorted was beside themselves with joy. This was every fanpersons dream, a chance at the sorting hat!

~~~~~~~~~~ROFLMAOFFUNSTUFFZOMGBBQWTFMARYSUE~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dezi started bouncing in her seat, she imagined herself walking proudly down the hall with Slytherin or Gryffindor colors holding her head high with house pride.

"All right everyone, settle down! We will call your names...Oh I'm sure most of you know how it works." Mrs Fonagan said with a smile then continued. "Although you will not be going to Diagon Alley to get your wands."She waited until the gasps and moans of disappointment stopped before continuing. "Mr. Ollivander was kind enough to send the majority of his stock here! So most of you won't have to go. Those who don't find a wand that suits them here will have to go to the store after the sorting, So when you are sorted please head off to your right to the back room to get your wands." She pointed to the door. The crowd grumbled but mutiny did not look imminent.

Harry set down a high backed chair and placed the old floppy wizard hat down on the seat. The Sorting Hat grinned at the crowd.

Everyone in the assembly held their breath in anticipation for The Sorting Hat's song. The Hat opened it's mouth that looked like a ripped seam and sang out in a loud clear voice.

"I've been sorting children since Hogwarts began, you'd think that after siting on so many children's heads I'd be going berserk.

Well...The only change is now I'm sorting young adults and so it seems I've gone completely out of my mind...and...

Gryffindor Ravenclaw heehee hoho

Hufflepuff and Slytherin are the houses

you will be sorted in, haha!

Just sit patently as we get organized for your unchangeable fate. Heehee!

Gryffindor has a history of bravery

Ravenclaw can always solve the mystery

Hufflepuff has had past casualties. and

Slytherin is well known for its infamy.

I've seen children come and I've seen children go and through the years I'll see many more, but now my song is done

so Dumbledore will soon be coming to take me away, haha, to the closet that I've been living in for these past long years!

Haha heehee hoho!"

The crowd hesitated then cheered, it was rather a strange song, but it was for them and they loved it. asked everyone to stand and form a line in front of the sorting hat and after the tables had been moved she told them which table would be for what house. She started calling names after the assembly settled down.

Mo was ecstatic, she was determined to be placed in Snape's House, Slytherin, not only because she looked good in green or because she was rather obsessed with Snape, but because she had taken numerous online quizzes that had told her she would be best suited to it (she had decided early on that the ones saying she should be in Gryffindor were the stereotypical kind made by little twelve year olds who desperately wanted to be Harry Potter and thought every one else did too). The internet had never lied to her before.

After the 'A's were called Neil started to fidget but Mo ignored him, he was on her 'People to Avoid' list now and would remain on it until he had redeemed himself. When Neil was sorted into Gryffindor Mo was rather pleased. All the more reason to avoid him. Mo's feet were starting to hurt by the time they got to the 'J's and she was getting impatient.

Finally the 'M's were being called and Mo started straightening her clothes and hair when her name was called and she walked up to the seat with a cocky grin and a wink at Harry who was standing at the ready to place The Sorting Hat on her The Hat was placed on Mo's head she was positively tingling with excitement and started chanting mentally 'put me in Slytherinslytherinslytherinslytherinsssssssssslyyyyyyyytheeeeeeeeeeerin!!!'

"Hmmm. You really want to be in Slytherin." The Hat understated into Mo's mind. "Yes! Put me there, K thanks." Mo bubbled back waiting patently for the hat to announce her house. "You'd be better suited to Gryffindor, you know." the hat answered. " LIAR YOU TELL LIIIIEEEESSS. ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOT!! _Put me in_ _Slytherin or else._" Mo hissed mentally. The Hat shuddered and said loudly to the crowd. "SLYTHERIN!!"

Mo hooted and squealed. "Yay infamy!!" Then sauntered through the side door with a wave to the giggling crowd. In the other room Mo saw piles and boxes full of wands everywhere and after a close inspection of a light colored wand she found that it had a description and core explanation attached on a little scroll. The other people who had been sorted were rooting through the wands with glee, the occasional shower of sparks showed when someone had found a wand. Mo grinned and started searching along with the rest.

Dezi was waiting patiently rocking back and forward on her heels. Her last name was Riezner so she knew she had a bit of a wait left as they had just finished the 'M's.

There was a commotion at the back of the line that was swiftly making its way towards Dezi. The commotion was a six foot tall women with sandy blond hair and blue eyes in Hogwarts school robes with the Blue and Bronze tie of the Ravenclaw house, the women spotted Dezi at the same moment Dezi saw her and they raced towards each other. Dezi was lifted off her feet and enveloped in a bone straining hug.

"ZOMG Dez your finally here! WTFBBQ why didn't you tell me you were coming?" The tall women asked. Dezi ignored the question and asked one of her own. "Miz!! I thought you died! What the Hell man?" Miz looked confused and answered. "WTF do you mean you thought I died!? I wrote you every week!" Dezi looked annoyed and yelled. "No you didn't!" It was Miz's turn to look annoyed as she asked. "What about the owls?" Dezi waved a hand." I called pest control. The bodies were everywhere." Miz looked at her aghast."But I visited on holidays..." Dezi thought about that for a minute. " Nuh uh...Lair."

The conversation went thusly for quite some time. Miz is Dezi's adopted younger sister, her powers had manifested a little earlier than Dezi but she was still considered a late bloomer because she was nineteen when Hermione had come for her.

Miz had to smack Dezi upside the head when her name was called because she had been yelling at Miz for not contacting her even though she had." LOL Dez they called you up!" Miz headed to the side room and waited by the door for Dezi, she had already gotten her wand but wanted to be with her sister when Dezi found hers.

Dezi sat on the chair and was only there for a second when The Hat called out. "Hufflepuff!!" Dezi pouted and went into the side room with Miz at her side. When the door closed behind her she started to complain loudly saying. " Dammit! Hufflepuff is the Special Ed class of Hogwarts! AND badgers are the angry retards of the forest!"

Miz laughed but said nothing, it was best not to anger her sister further. People who had been sorted into Hufflepuff looked annoyed and sent Dezi several glares.

"Oh go fuck yourselves I got sorted into it, I'm allowed to badmouth my own house...Bitches."

Mo heard this and peeked out from behind the small mountain of wands she was digging through to see who had spoken, she saw Miz helping Dezi by handing her wand after wand and Dezi had tossing the useless ones behind her,Mo chuckled when more then a few of them hit someone. Mo still watching the spectacle of the sisters Riezner, picked up a random wand then jumped and squealed when electric blue sparks burst from the end quite unexpectedly. She opened the little scroll attached and read :

' The wand that has chosen you is springy it's 11 inches even and is made out of Hazel – Hazel is quiet and versatile, giving subtle boosts to Charms and Transfiguration. It is another wand that denotes skill in Divination. The core is Dragon Heartstrings: Wands with Dragon Heartstrings cores are excellent for hexes, or for dueling, not to mention fire magic. They tend to choose a witch or wizard who is strong not only physically, but also emotionally, and who usually has very strong opinions on things, though they often tend to be strong willed and thickheaded as well.'

Mo made a pleased sound and swished her new wand around a bit before noticing Dezi had also found a wand that was shooting out yellow sparks, Mo meandered over and said." My wand is bigger then yours."

Dezi glared at Mo but ignored her, Mo not to be ignored snatched the scroll out of Dezi's hand and quickly read:

'The wand that has chosen you is swishy its 7inches and is made out of Pine: A quiet wood, not powerful, not weak. It is a softwood, and thus has a bit more yield, making it more inclined to a quick-learning but less powerful wand. It is, however, excellent for Divination. The core is Phoenix Feather: The Phoenix Feather comes from the tail feathers of a Phoenix, and is especially good with fire or defensive magic, as well as healing magic. This may be due largely to the healing properties Phoenixes have.'

"Ohhh that's a good wand! Even if it is a bit on the small side...but hey! It's not the size that matters,right? It's how you use it. Eh eh?" She nudged Dezi and wiggled her eyebrows at Miz who was watching the scene with fear. No one lived to tell the tale after snatching something out of Dezi's hands.

Dezi nodded and accepted the scroll back then looked a little startled when Mo handed Dezi her scroll. Mo was beaming with pride and started berating Miz with questions about Her wand which was Cedar, Miz recited what her scroll had said.

"Quote: Cedar is a rather docile wand wood with particular skill in protective spells. Cedar wand wielders often become potent Occlumens. And the Core Unicorn Hair is best for those with pure intentions, and is almost never wielded by someone intending to use their wand for evil purposes. Especially good for love, defense and healing magic.

End Quote."

Mo was impressed and then asked about school life when she found out Miz had been enrolled for a year.

After Dezi hand finished reading Mo's scroll she handed back the scroll and listened for a moment to Miz's descriptions of the typical school day and learned that there are eight classes in a day: Transfiguration, Potions, Charms, History of Magic, Divination (or Care of magical creations if you preferred), Herbology, Practical Application (of what they learned for day to day life) and Current Wizarding Events. An hour at each class with breaks for Lunch and free time. A ten hour day starting with the first class at eight A.M. with the first class and ending at six P.M with the last.

Dezi let out a groan. " Man, this is going to be like High school all over again!" Mo chuckled and nodded."Only Magical! This is going to be awesome! Imma soo excited!!" She squealed and glomped Dezi quite suddenly. " What House did you get sorted in?" Mo asked after she released Dezi even though she already knew, she didn't want the sisters to know she'd been eavesdropping. "Hufflepuff." Dezi muttered. "Miz is in Ravenclaw." Miz said with a raised hand. Mo grinned up at Miz. "Awesome! I'm in Slytherin! It's super sweet, I am uber pleased yo!"

Miz smiled and nodded then gave Mo a funny look when she started talking to Dezi whom was worrying her because she hadn't said much after she had found her wand. "You are my new pet badger Dezi! Your so tiny and adorable! And we are gonna be friends fooooreeeever and ever and ever and ever! AND Miz is my pet eagle,shes so pretty, and we are gonna hang out all the time and there is nothing you can do about it! Thus spake the Mo and it shall come to pass as she bespoke it and it was goooood. So good!" Mo had grabbed Miz and Dezi by the hands and was bouncing up and down.

Miz looked confused, this was not normal behavior for Slytherins or anyone over the age of nine for that matter. This does not bode well for us, were Miz's thoughts before the door opened and Mrs. Fonagan walked in and began handing out personalized maps to their separate rooms. She told them that robes and ties with their house colors had already been sent to their rooms and that classes would begin the next day. She said, when asked by Dezi, that they had separate rooms because they were over the age of the children in the dorms and the headmaster and teachers decided that because they are adults they should have the same privileges as the Head Boys and Girls.

Everyone was ecstatic.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ENDOFCHAPTER~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now that classes are about to start you will be seeing more canon characters...finally

This chapter took a bit longer to finish because I decided to research wands instead of just guessing, also the Sorting song gave me quite a bit of trouble. but because it took so much effort its a little longer then normal..I think.

The wand research was a lot of fun, I found an awesome quiz that tells you what your wand would be that Miz, Dez and I all took. It dosent give any explanation about the wand cores (I had to go else where for those) but the wood ones are very good.

here is the site address just push the swirly at the bottom to continue.

.

Miz and Dezi are real friends of mine, they demanded to be in the story when I told them about it, I think I kept their personalitys true to them in real life (except Miz isnt adpoted)...I dunno if they like it, they havent read this chapter yet XD


	7. School Days

Authoress Note: The link for the wand site didn't show...that is the essence of lame, lets try again

h t t p : w w w . u n f a d i n g . n e t / w s e l e n . h t m l

and thanks to Mizspookie for reviewing...also i love your deviant art

Chapter Seven

School Days

or

An Apple a Day

In our last installment

This does not bode well for us, were Miz's thoughts before the door opened and Mrs. Fonagan walked in and began handing out personalized maps to their separate rooms. She told them that robes and ties with their house colors had already been sent to their rooms and that classes would begin the next day. She said, when asked by Dezi, that they had separate rooms because they were over the age of the children in the dorms and the headmaster and teachers decided that because they are adults they should have the same privileges as the Head Boys and Girls.

Everyone was ecstatic.

~~~~~~~~~~itsthemostwonderfultimeoftheyeariwishthemarrigaestonewouldbeupdatedneardeathunclesarenotconductiveforthecreativejucies~~~~~~~~~~~~

Miz was still thinking about the hazards of hyperactive Slytherins as Mo dragged them out of the great hall and up a staircase to the third floor where the rooms for the late bloomers were located. Miz, already knowing where the rooms were, eventually took the lead when Mo led them enthusiastically to a dead end. When they got to the right corridor Miz showed Mo and Dezi to their rooms after showing them hers, leaving the other two to unpack and get settled, Miz went back to her room to finish some homework she had left when she went down to greet Dezi.

The rooms were medium sized, they had enough space for a queen sized bed, a wardrobe and a bed side chest of draws. Mo was surprised to find that the door she thought was a closet was instead a rather large bathroom that had, besides the toilet and sink, a claw footed bathtub with a shower attachment. Mo squealed in delight at the sight, she had always wanted her own in room bathroom.

Mo unpacked quickly then tried out some spells she had read in the books, after failing miserably she went to Dezi's room to watch her unpack. Dezi was astounded to find her clothes in her room. Dezi told Mo how she had left without packing, leaving out that she had left without her consciousness not knowing that Mo had been there when she had arrived slung between Harry and Snape. Mo smiled and nodded deciding that a blooming flower of friendship didn't need the hurricane winds of lies exposed, plus she could use it against Dezi later.

After Dezi finished unpacking they went to Miz's room chucking her homework aside when she said she needed to finish. Miz sighed and settled in for a long evening, Mo looked like a talker.

"So Mizzy, What was your magical abduction like? Were you uber excited? Did you piss yourself? I nearly did...I blew up the kitchen instead." Mo gushed as she sat cross legged on the foot of Miz's bed cuddling up to a giant stuff bear that was bigger then her and had an eye patch. Miz told her the bear's name was Orville.

Miz smiled and started explaining how she had come to Hogwarts.

~~~~~~~~~~~FLASHBACKTIMEBITCHES~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In Miz Vision

Miz was sitting in front of her television, a pair of sweatpants hanging on the back of her lazy boy as she was playing Animal Crossing. She Wearing a wife beater and purple undies, and unmatched socks, she looked very laid back and chill. However, a loud startling noise from outside gave her a jump. She heard some swears outside followed by some laughter, before a young woman's voice broke the noise. She sounded mad, and maybe on the rag.

DINGDONG

"....How long have we had a doorbell?" Miz said, pausing her game and jumping into her sweats before looking through the peephole of her door.

Behind the door was five people dressed in long cloaks, one was a young curly haired brunette lady muttering something to a pair of gingers.....ginger twins....

REOW.

This makes a happy Miz... She was a little creeped out by the shortie in glasses and tall dark and greasy haired fellow with a crooked nose next to him.

Obviously,Miz thought, a convention was in town or a few nutjobs were looking to recruit. However, since two of those nutjobs were gingers, why not say hello?

She opened the door, she tried her best to hold back laughter.

"I'm really sorry, but Halloween isn't for a while. So you'll have to forgive me if I don't have any candy for you." She gave a smirk.

"Oh _this_ is always fun." The tall greasy fella said, before looking down at the young woman beside him.

"We're not here for candy..." The young woman said, however the twins gave an argumentative groan. "We just came to talk to you, may we come in?"

"I...really don't think so." Miz said and quickly shut the door, locking it and turning back to her video game....but the man in black who had crooked nose was in her seat.

"What is the point of these....what do you call them?" He said, looking over to the kitchen where the gingers were raiding the fridge.

"Video games." they said both at once, Miz's face flushed with color.

"THE FUCK are you weirdos doing in my house?!" she yelled, walking over to the dark looking guy, grabbing the controller out of his hands before he could press a button.

"Don't be alarmed," said a soft voice from behind her, sitting on the love seat. It was the lady from before. "We're not going to hurt you. Just calm down."

"Well that's really too bad," said Miz, backing away, reaching into her shoe bin, pulling out an aluminum bat. "Because if all of you don't move it, I will hurt you."

Everyone stopped what they were doing, and looked at Miz cautiously, the terrifying silence was broken by a knock on the door.

"Okay guys, I'm still outside....Why is it so quiet?" It was from someone outside. The brunette on the sofa took out a wand from her cloak, flicked it, the door unlocked and opened for the dark haired young man in glasses. "What were you doing outside?" the fuzzy haired young woman asked as she walked to the short guy in glasses side.

"I didn't want to just, you know, 'pop' in. It's rude...and she sounded mad." he said, shutting the door behind him. "So how's it going---HO'SHIT! SHE HAS A BAT."

Miz gripped the aluminum bat tightly, the brunette locked the door quickly so the man in glasses couldn't leave and tried to convince him to stay.

"Wait..." Miz said "You guys look like...you mean you guys are...Harry Potter fans?"

"Merlin's balls..." the dark looking man said, the Gamecube controller in his hands again, he was alternating between collecting oranges and whacking random animals with a butterfly net in Animal Crossing.

"Professor!" the frizzy haired woman said. "Look....I know this is hard to explain....but if you would please, put down the bat, and let us explain...."

"Fuck you," Miz said, gripping the bat tighter. "Strangers in my house, looking like Harry Potter characters, playing my fucking Animal Crossing, eating my god damn f....heyHEY!!" Miz's attention turned to the gingers in the kitchen, eating beef sandwiches and hostess cakes.

"You smexy jerks!" she yelled, they stop for a moment to look at her. "Don't eat those! I was saving those! Is that my last cake?"

"...myesf" one of them said, shaking an empty hostess cake box. Miz took a minute to take a deep breath, then looked at the twins.

"If you weren't cute gingers, I would bust both your balls right now." she said, then the aluminum bat flew out of her hands and into the hand of the crooked nose stranger.

"HEY!" Miz said, then looked at the wand in his other hand, it was pointed at her. "Professor Snape!" The frizzy haired girl stood up and pulled out her wand.

"This is a precaution," the dark haired now very irritated older gentleman. "She's obviously distressed and will crack one of us over the head any minute, so I took it away from her. Also, I am not a 'cute ginger' so if I make her angry I've got nothing to defend myself with except my wand which we can't use, so I disarmed her."

The frizzy haired young woman gave a sigh, "Fine." she said. "But put your wand away, we don't want her thinking we're going to hurt her."

"Bloody hell," one of the twins said, shaking his head. "This is taking too long....YOU'RE GOING TO HOGWARTS!!"

"Thank you," said the other twin, wiping mustard off his face. "I thought for sure I would have to say something."

The young woman standing in front of the love seat gave a deep sigh before dropping her head.

*

"Wait" Mo said, interrupting the story telling. "So they just blurted it to you?"

"Was Snape really playing Animal Crossing?" Dez said, in a bit of a snort and giggle.

"Yes, Yes," said Miz, leaning back in her chair. "Then they gave me a brief summary, the books are a lie, the real deal, who they were....and I think I took the news rather well...."

*

"You're Harry Potter?!" Miz yelled, standing in front of the dark haired young man, his arms up defending himself for a big fangirl bounce.

"AAAAH BE GENTLE" Harry said, and Miz gave a loud laugh and shook her head.

"Aw come on, I'm not gonna hug you....puhlease." she snorted, Harry gave a sigh of relieve, and lowered his arms seconds before he was given a full blown punch to the face that hit him so hard he slammed into the door and he held his face in pain while sliding down to the floor.

Hermione gave a yell of ,"OH MY GOD!", as she bounced from foot to foot, Snape burst out laughing, and the twins held Miz back whom struggled to get free.

"You self absorbed little PUNK!" she yelled, "I fucking hated you! You were so whiny, so annoyingly self centered, and all you did was make everyone's life miserable with your damn prepubescent woes and flows. AND THE ANGST!! _Soo much angst!_ You're my least favorite character in the whole damn series!"

"OWWWW my face! UUUUGH! My teeth! It hurts so bad!" Harry cried, trying to get back on his feet before falling over again, Hermione and Snape (still laughing) hurried to his side to try and get him up.

"Okay...OKAY!" Miz shook the twins off her, finally feeling relaxed, she turned to the hallway and yelled out. "I'll go get packed now....while I'm at it let me change, I'm still in my jammies!"

~~~~~~ENDOFFLASHBACKHOES~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Whoa...that's intense. You punched Harry Potter in the face. I think I love you!" Mo said in an awed voice looking at Miz with big starry eyes.

Dezi nodded and looked proud,"That's my little sister!" she said as she gave Miz a pat on the shoulder.

"BWAHAHA Snape feared for his balls!!" Mo laughed and pictured it again, then pictured Snape playing a video game then pictured Harry nursing Snape's balls back to health. She voiced this to her friends who both squealed. Dezi looked the most excited and gushed,"He kissed them better!! Or at least he wanted too!" Mo giggled feeling relieved, it was hard to find other Snarry fans, and she had found two with out even trying.

Miz rolled her eyes. "You don't get a say Dez, you haven't even read the books, or seen the movies." Dezi scoffed at Miz's remark, "Whatever, I read all the fanfiction and Wiki'd it, I KNOW what I am talking about Miz...Don't question me...Bitch!" Mo didn't interrupt as was best for sibling disputes. They all started at a loud voice that sounded like it was in the room.

"**NEW COMERS OUT INTO THE HALL PLEASE, WE HAVE YOUR SCHEDULES FOR CLASS!"**

Mo and Dezi looked to Miz who grinned and said,"Yeah they do that...It's annoying." Miz shooed Dezi and Mo out of her room and went back to her homework.

When Mo and Dezi got into the hallway they looked at the other people swarming about then looked at each other in confusion. They heard a voice rise above the hubbub calling,"RAVENCLAWS OVER HEAR!" and another calling for Hufflepuffs in a different direction. Mo waved to Dezi when she left in the direction of the voice.

Mo listened for the Slytherin caller and went to him when she heard his voice. The man who had spoken was a tall blond with gray eyes and pale skin standing in the middle of a gaggle of curious late bloomers. "Oh my gawd!! It's Draco motherfuxing Malfoy!!" Was the call going through the crowd around the elegant looking blond who was preening under the attention. "All right you guys, calm it down! We need to get the schedules handed out. Hehe. Alright line up I'll call your name and you'll come up and get it, right? Good! Now let's see...Armantio Kalico." Draco Malfoy practically sang obviously enjoying his power.

Mo was bouncing on her toes, she was extremely excited to meet Draco Malfoy. He was one of her favorite characters in the books, first Snape and now Draco? Life could not get better. She ran up and lifted her shirt to expose her bra when her name was called,"SIGN MY BRA DRACO!! I NEED IT!!" Draco flushed and shook his head,"No uh..no, pull your shirt down. COVER YOURSELF WOMEN!" Draco cried out and started wrestling Mo's shirt down himself when Mo started bouncing. The call of, "FAG!" turned Draco and Mo's attention to Dezi who had already gotten her schedule, not many people had been sorted to Hufflepuff this time around.

Draco flushed and stepping away from Mo shoved her schedule at her,"Alright, as amusing and _arousing _that was, I need MASTERS, BRAD to come up." Draco said with a pointed look in Dezi's direction. Dezi rolled her eyes and pulled Mo away even though she was still trying to get Draco's , who was pointedly ignoring the both of them at this point, attention," I LOVE YOU CO-CO, I WILL GET YOU TO SIGN MY UNMENTIONABLES EVENTUALLY!!!"

Draco had the grace to blush and after he handed out the last schedule he said in a loud voice, "Classes start tomorrow at eight o'clock SHARP people, lateness will not be excused! I am the Co-Head of House so if you have any questions please feel free to ask me!" Draco beamed at the crowd and looked around with pride," Yes you? In the back." Draco addressed the hand waving at the back of the crowd. "Can you sign my bra...please sir? PLEASE PLEASE _please_! Sir!!" Mo called from the back.

"NO woman! Back off! I AM NOT INTERESTED!" Draco stormed off without answering any of the questions the other people had. The group was too amused with Mo's antics to care much.

"Okies well that was fun. Ohhhhhh I got Potions firsties! YUS!" Mo punched the air and did a victory dance while Dezi looked on in amusement,"Oh I got potions first too!" we have our first class together! That's teh awesome." Dezi said after a cursory glance at her schedule. "I wonder if they are doing like a house unificationy thing...I don't remember Hufflepuffs and Slytherins having class together in any of the fics I read." Mo nodded and thought about that for a second,"Meh, I dunno. But I do know that those unification fics almost alwase had the best man smex in them...yeah, man smex is and you cant trust what people wrote based off the books...They are full of the most heinous lies. Remember?"

"Yeah," Dezi said "Did you ever read that one...Banshee balls? That one was awesome, the bitch hasn't updated in a while though..." Mo giggled, "Yeah that one was really good, "Are you mad?! Your Wizards!" Snape is sooo funny in that one!"

Dezi agreed then bid Mo goodnight, she was tired after such an eventful day. Mo wondered around the now empty hall too hyper to go to bed, she paused when she heard foot steps around the corner then pressed herself to the wall and slowly slid to the end of the hall trying to catch the late night traveler unaware.

"How did it go tonight Draco?" a deep silky voice asked, " Fine, up till I was sexually assaulted! Where were you?" a softer voiced asked in a huff.

"I had other matters to attend too...Mind your tone Mr. Malfoy, Being assistant Head does not mean you can give me attitude." there was a small huff and Mo decided it was best to stop eavesdropping before she got caught, she stepped out in front of a startled Snape and Draco, " Assistant Head Co-co? I thought you said Co-Head?" Mo giggled at the look Snape gave Draco and the answering blush on the blond mans cheeks.

"Co-Head, Draco? Really." Snape said with an amused smirk. " Never mind that! _Shes _the one who attacked me!!" Draco cried out, Mo looked indignant, "Did not! I just wanted an autograph! I'm your biggest fan..sniffle." Draco and Snape paused then said in unison,"Did you say sniffle?" Mo gave them an unconvincing confused look which they ignored, "Whatever, an autograph is not the problem, the problem is your bra!" Mo looked pissed,"Its a cute bra!! Look its got little kitties on it!!" Mo made to lift her shirt but was stopped when Snape and Draco both grabbed the hem of her shirt and kept it down.

"You guys are no fun,"Mo whined ,"I was only joking! Wasn't gonna flash you...this time." Mo giggled when Snape rolled his eyes,"You see? Shes a menace!" Draco exclaimed. "Hm, It's past Midnight Ms. Mosley, you should be in bed, being less then completely rested in Potions can be hazardous." Snape murmured silkily causing Mo to shudder in a very pleasant way. " Yes Sir, oh call me Mo please, I probably wont answer if you call me anything else...Not cuz I don't want to you understand, but because Mo is easier to remember and its what I'm used too." Mo gushed, babbling in excitement at Snape referencing her and her bed in the same sentence and the addition of his lovely voice was causing Mo's brain to short circuit. "No." said Snape in a final tone and pushed Mo back into the hall way she had come from.

Mo didn't fight it and went to her room with a little wave at the two men before she closed the door.

"Nutter." Draco growled quietly at the shut door.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~TOSLEEPPERCHANCETODREAMOFANEKKIDSNAPE~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Next Morning

" GOOD MORNING MARY SUNSHINE HOW DID YOU WAKE SO SOON? YOU SCARED THE LITTLE STARS AWAY AND FRIGHTED AWAY THE MOOOON!!!"

Was bellowed into Dezi's ear by a bouncing Mo. "WHAT THE FUCK YOU CRAZY BITCH! SHUT UP!!!" Dezi screeched,"what time is it? SEVEN?! GODDAMMIT! Mo, get out now." Dezi swiped at Mo with a pillow, Mo dogged it and fell off the bed.

"Its time to get up my love, Miz has already left, and my tummy demands food. Lets gooooo." Mo said from the ground. "Miz is stupid. Fine I'm getting up, God help you if there isn't any coffee. I'll see you in class Mo, we sit at different tables anyway, go ahead without me...you cunt." Dezi grumbled as she went to the bathroom to wash up.

Dezi is not a morning person Mo surmised as she left Dezi's room and went into the hall, most of the other people had already left by the time Mo had decided Dezi had slept long enough, so Mo was feeling a little lonely when she walked into the Great hall. She made her way to the Slytherin table and sat near the end so she could see when Dezi came in.

Mo Looked at the teachers table and saw beside the professors she was expecting a tall man with black hair past his shoulders sitting next to a man whom had several light scars running across his face. Oh lord, Marauders, thought Mo as she tucked an apple into the inside pocket of her school robes. The man who could only be Sirius Black was sitting next to Snape and was having a heated debate with him about something Mo couldn't hear no matter how hard she tried. Remus Lupin tossed in a comment now and then.

Mo was wondering what classes they were teaching when someone slapped her in the back of the head. "OW MY BRAINS!" Mo cried out," That was for waking me up with song...Do it again and its a black eye." with that Dezi went to her table and made her self a cup of coffee glowering at anyone who touched the pitcher. Mo gave the other Slytherins at the table a bashful look and ducked her head in shame after filling her plate with sugary breakfast stuff. Mmm syrup, Mo ate happily then joined Dezi when she walked past and consulted the map that was on the back of the schedule.

"What do you think Lupin and Black are teaching?" Mo asked Dezi curiously," I don't know...I wanna know why we don't have Defense, its bullshit." Dezi proclaimed in an irritated voice.

" Well there isn't any Moldywarts about anymore...maybe that's why." Mo answered, " Oh we turn here, we are almost there!" Mo said after consulting her map. Dezi harrumphed and they walked in silence until they got to the right door," I wonder if we get to sit together." Mo said as she walked inside the room and placed the apple she had stashed on the desk. "Suck up," Dezi announced and sat down in the back row, Mo followed and sat next to her,"I don't care either way I'm here so I'm staying."

The class room slowly filled and Mo and Dezi were surprised to see Gryffindors as well as Ravenclaws sitting down. "Curiouser and curiouser..." Mo muttered as a red haired Gryffindor sat down next to her and Dezi,"Hellooo Gryffindork, whats up?" Dezi asked the newcomer,"Nothing...Hufflepunk, I'm Amanda and I will be sitting here for the duration." said Amanda to Dezi. Mo grinned at Amanda and introduced herself and Dezi,"Herro I'm Mo, this is Dezi! can I have a derogatory nickname too? I'm in Slytherin. Make it sexy." Amanda giggled and thought for a second,"Twiterin?" Mo chuckled and nodded," That's a good one! Its all British and stuff!" The three of them chatted for few minutes before a hush came over the class.

Snape walked in and immediately charmed a bit of chalk to write instructions on the blackboard, he swished his wand again and the doors of a cupboard on the far side of the room burst open and books flew out, one landed in front of each student after the books cauldrons and ingredients flew and landed the same way. Snape walked to his desk stopping abruptly when he spotted an apple sitting suspiciously on top of it. He glared at the apple. It shivered in a fear that every apple knows when a human lays eyes on it. Snape looked up at the class who were looking from Snape to the apple and back,"What is this", he asked the class pointing at the apple.

One student had the audacity to raise her hand, it was a redheaded Gryffindor sitting next to a Hufflepuff who was sitting next to that Mosley girl. Snape nodded at her,"Its an apple." Snape had the brief impulse to hex her," Yes, and what is it doing on my desk, prey?" The red head looked like she was thinking about it then answered,"It looks scared actually." Snape brought his hand down hard on the desk making the poor apple jump in fright. "It is a inanimate object, it does not feel fear. Who put it here?" Snape hissed in a low and dangerous voice.

When no answer was forthcoming Snape snatched up the apple and cast a few scanning spells," Its not poisoned" Snape said in a slightly surprised voice, his head shot up when he heard a snort coming from the back of the room. He automatically glared at the mouthy Gryffindor who looked suspicious,like most Gryffindors, he was unsurprised to notice she was trying to hold back a laugh,"What is it you find so funny?" Snape asked in a dangerous voice as he stalked to the back of the room to tower over the redheaded Gryffindor,"Well Sir, its just that I don't think anyone in this room would want to poison you." She answered meekly.

"Oh? You know so much about the inner workings of your classmates minds do you?" Snape sneered, the girl shook her head and muttered,"I just know that anyone who read all the books wouldn't do anything to you." Snape was about to say something wonderfully scathing when Miss Mosley spoke up," That's right! Your just ever so awesome!" the Hufflepuff chose to speak next,"That's Probably why Mo left you the apple...That and shes a suck up." she said placidly, "I am _not_!" Miss Mosley said heatedly. "You left the apple Miss Mosley?" Snape asked suspiciously. The girl nodded causing Snape to scowl, "Why?" Miss Mosley smiled an annoyingly big smile and simpered,"Cause you are super cool, would you rather have a banana?" she then shocked Snape by pulling a banana out of her robes and held it out to Snape who took it on reflex.

Snape pocketed the banana with a glare and said," No more fruit in my class Miss Mosley, understood?" the girl instantly abandoned the silly grin a chastised look replacing it," Yes Sir, Professor Snape Sir." Snape nodded and returned to the front of the class began teaching the students about the ingredients and equipment that they had in front of them. Snape was gratified when the class ended and the students filed out with excited chatter about what they had learned, the one hour class is

possibly the best invention since the pestle and mortar,Snape thought as the last student left with a wave goodbye in Snapes direction, Snape waved absently and picked up the apple when the door closed and took a bite. An apple a day kept the Medi-witch away after all.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~END OF CHAPTER~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The last few paragraphs are in Snape perspective....it was fun XD

i let miz write her own flashback


	8. Hogwarts the Musical

Thanks Your baby mama for the review

Chapter Eight (Random Caffeine induced late night ramblings)

Hogwarts the Musical

or

I am not a fop!

Last time:

Snape pocketed the banana with a glare and said," No more fruit in my class Miss Mosley, understood?" the girl instantly abandoned the silly grin a chastised look replacing it," Yes Sir, Professor Snape Sir." Snape nodded and returned to the front of the class began teaching the students about the ingredients and equipment that they had in front of them. Snape was gratified when the class ended and the students filed out with excited chatter about what they had learned, the one hour class is

possibly the best invention since the pestle and mortar,Snape thought as the last student left with a wave goodbye in Snapes direction, Snape waved absently and picked up the apple when the door closed and took a bite. An apple a day kept the Medi-witch away after all.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~SINGSINGTHESONGOFYOURSOULITISTHEMOSTBEAUTIFULSONGOFALLITSSUNGITSSUNG~~~~~~

Amanda and Mo walked down a hallway on the ground floor with widows showing the courtyard outside discussing movies, so far they both had the same taste when it came to Action and Horror but Amanda had an unfortunate attachment to romantic movies that Mo was determined to eradicate," They all end the same!! oh oh big strong man, thank you for bringing me back to my scenes I don't know how I could have managed without you~! I'm sorry I yelled at you for cheating oh oh! It's gross." Mo argued emphatically. Amanda sighed with a dreamy look in her eyes,"Love will conquer all." she said loftily. Mo grimaced," The only romantic movie I ever liked was Sweeney Todd." Mo nodded in agreement with herself. Amanda looked thoughtful," I guess that could be considered a romance...if you squint. Oh you know the best part in that movie?" Mo grinned," The cannibalism."

Amanda gave Mo a look,"Well yes there is that, I meant the songs, they are awesome! That one right before they start cooking people, after he kills the fake Italian? Genius." Mo grinned and nodded. They walked in silence for a moment then Amanda said with a lilt in her voice,"Seems a downright shame..."

Mo answered,"Shame?"

Amanda continued,"Seems an awful waste...Such a nice, plump frame Wot's 'is name has...Had...Has! Nor it can't be traced...Bus'ness needs a lift, Debts to be erased...

Think of it as thrift, As a gift, If you get my drift..."

Mo looked confused,"No?"

Amanda sighed and sang,"Seems an awful waste...I mean, with the price of meat. What it is, When you get it, If you get it..."

Mo got it,"HAH!"

Amanda looked excited and said,"Good, you got it! Take, for instance, Mrs. Mooney and her pie shop! Bus'ness never better using only pussycats and toast!

And a pussy's good for maybe six or seven at the most! And I'm sure they can't compare as far as taste!"

Mo took Amanda's hand and twirled her then they started to watlz down the hallway, much to the confusion of the other students milling about. They sang as they danced.

Mo: Amanda, what a charming notion

Amanda: Well, it does seem a waste...

Mo: Eminently practical. And yet appropriate as always!

Amanda: It's an idea...

Mo: Amanda, how I've lived Without you all these years, I'll never know! How delectable! Also undetectable!

Amanda:Think about it! Lots of other gentlemen'll Soon be comin' for a shave, Won't they? Think of All them Pies!

Mo and Amanda:

How choice! How Rare!

Mo: For what's the sound of the world out there?

Amanda: What, Ms. Mo? What, Ms. Mo? What is that sound?

Mo: Those crunching noises pervading the air!

Amanda: Yes, Ms. Mo! Yes, Ms. Mo! Yes, all around!

Mo: It's man devouring man, my dear!

Together: And [Amanda: Then] who are we to deny it in here?

Mo and Amanda slowed to a stroll and walked side by side. Mo held her hands clasped behind her back," These are desperate times, Amanda, and desperate measures are called for!" Amanda nodded. Mo gestured to Sirius Black who happened to be walking by," What is that?" Black started and looked confused. Amanda smiled and sang," It's priest. Have a little priest." Mo smirked at Black and sang,"Is it really good?" Amanda stifled a giggle then sang out,"Miss, it's too good, at least! Then again, they don't commit sins of the flesh, So it's pretty fresh." Amanda and Mo kept walking leaving a thoroughly confused Black in their wake.

Mo: Awful lot of fat.

Amanda: Only where it sat.

Mo: Haven't you got poet, or something like that?

Amanda: No, y'see, the trouble with poet is 'Ow do you know it's deceased? Try the priest!

Mo: (spoken) Heavenly! Not as hearty as bishop, perhaps, but then again, not as bland as curate, either!

Amanda:(spoken) And good for business, too -- always leaves you wantin' more! Trouble is, we only get it on Sundays!

Amanda: Lawyer's rather nice.

Mo: If it's for a price.

Amanda: Order something else, though, to follow, Since no one should swallow it twice!

Mo: Anything that's lean?

Amanda: Well, then, if you're British and loyal, You might enjoy Royal Marine! Anyway, it's clean. Though of course, it tastes of wherever it's been!

Mo and Amanda started to skip down the hallway pointing at confused students and teachers as they went.

Mo: Is that squire, On the fire?

Amanda: Mercy no, sir, look closer, You'll notice it's grocer!

Mo: Looks thicker, More like vicar!

Amanda: No, it has to be grocer -- It's green!

Mo took Amanda's hand and began to waltz with her again causing many people to dive out of windows or press themselves against walls.

Mo: The history of the world, my love --

Amanda: Save a lot of graves, Do a lot of relatives favors!

Mo: Is those below serving those up above!

Amanda: Ev'rybody shaves, So there should be plenty of flavors!

Mo: How gratifying for once to know

Both: That those above will serve those down below!

They slowed to a walk then stopped to lean on a windowsill and looked out at the courtyard where they saw several people going to class or stopping in groups to chat.

Amanda saw someone fiddling with a coppery ball with tubes sticking out of it and said,"Now let's see, here... We've got tinker." Mo saw the person in question and smiled,"Something... pinker." she suggested. Amanda looked around, she saw someone picking at the hem of their sleeve,"Tailor?" Mo shook her head,"Paler."

Amanda hmmed and saw a young man taking a stack of books from a pretty little brunette,"Butler?" Mo considered the young man and found him lacking,"Subtler."

they both noticed Harry and Snape walking through the courtyard chatting amiably about something. Amanda waited until they got closer,"Potter?" Harry stopped and waived when he heard his name, Mo grinned wolfishly and said,"Hotter." Harry got a wide eyed look and scooted closer to Snape who was glaring at the girls.

Amanda ignored the Slytherin death glare and continued," Locksmith?...Lovely bit of clerk." Mo wiggled her eyebrows at Harry and Snape,"Maybe for a lark." Snape raised an eyebrow giving the two girls a suspicious look, Harry was clinging to Snapes side giving them a baffled look. Amanda pulled a straight face and said,"Then again there's sweep If you want it cheap, And you like it dark! Try the financier, Peak of his career!" Mo looked at a group of girls giggling at the intimate looking embrace of Harry and Snape,"That looks pretty rank." Amanda saw the group of girls and shook her head."Well, he drank, It's a bank Cashier. Never really sold. Maybe it was old."

Snape looked like he was ready to blow a gasket,"What in Merlin's name are you two doing?!" he barked in agitation. Mo gave him an impatient look,"Have you any Beadle?" she asked. Snape look taken aback and opened his mouth to answer but Amanda beat him to it,"Next week, so I'm told! Beadle isn't bad till you smell it and Notice 'ow well it's been greased...Stick to priest!" Snape and Harry stared at them like they had grown second heads.

Mo and Amanda started walking down the hall, Mo with her hands behind her back and Amanda with hers clasped in front,"Now then, this might be a little bit stringy,

but then of course it's... fiddle player!" Amanda said. Mo shook her head,"No, this isn't fiddle player -- it's piccolo player!" Amanda cocked her head to the side,"'Ow can you tell?"she asked. Mo smiled a knowing smile,"It's piping hot!" Amanda giggled and said,"Then blow on it first!"

Snape and Harry followed the two girls, curiosity getting the better of them. They followed in shock when the odd pair started singing and waltzing down the hall in front of them.

Mo: The history of the world, my sweet --

Amanda: Oh, Ms. Mo, Ooh, Ms. Mo, What does it tell?

Mo: Is who gets eaten, and who gets to eat!

Amanda: And, Ms. Mo, Too, Ms. Mo, Who gets to sell!

Mo: But fortunately, it's also clear

Togeather: That [Amanda: But] ev'rybody goes down well with beer!

They slowed down again and walked at a sedate pace down the hall with Snape and Harry tailing behind them. Snape glared at the back of their heads while Harry watched with a goofy grin plastered to his face. They both nodded to Black and Lupin when they caught up. Black asked," Are they still doing it?" after the affirmative he grinned and said,"Good, I wanted Moony to see. He didn't believe me." Snape snorted and said,"Oh they are still doing it, what it is exactly they are doing has yet to be seen." Lupin asked," So they are really dancing and singing?" when all three nodded he looked confused," Huh, how odd." The other three nodded grimly.

Amanda and Mo only vaguely concerned they were being followed continued without pause," Since marine doesn't appeal to you, 'ow about... rear admiral?" Amanda suggested, Mo shook her head,"Too salty. I prefer general." she stated. Amanda nodded,"With, or without his privates? "With" is extra." they both roared with laughter which caused Snape to snort derisively and mutter something about inappropriate jokes which set the other three into stifled giggles.

Draco Malfoy was walking down the hall with a haughty expression on his face and a bounce in his step, he was still brimming with pride at being part of the history making group of Hermione's and being 'assistant' Head of House. He noticed Snape, Harry, Lupin and Black all motioning emphatically at him, he cocked his head in confusion until that crazy Mosley woman pointed at him and said to the redheaded Gryffindor beside her,"What is that?" Draco froze an looked behind him when he saw nothing he looked back at the sniggering pair with confusion. The redhead confused him further by singing,"It's fop. Finest in the shop. And we have some shepherd's pie peppered With actual shepherd on top! And I've just begun -- Here's the politician, so oily It's served with a doily, Have one!" Draco seethed with rage and shouted," I AM NOT A FOP!!"

Amanda and Mo continued as if they hadn't been screamed at and smirked at Draco as they continued with out missing a beat, they started doing an odd skipping hop down the hallway as they sang.

Mo: Put it on a bun. Well, you never know if it's going to run!

Amanda: Try the friar, Fried, it's drier!

Mo: No, the clergy is really Too coarse and too mealy!

Amanda: Then actor, That's compacter!

Mo: Yes, and always arrives overdone!

Mo paused in her singing here and said in a low growling voice,"I'll come again when you have JUDGE on the menu!" Amanda grinned and said," Wait! True, we don't have judge yet, but we've got something you might fancy even better." Mo cocked her head to the side and asked," What's that?" Amanda looked excited and said,"Executioner!" Mo and Amanda started to waltz again much to the amusement of the four following them.

Draco watched them pass with the utmost confusion," What the bleeding bloody fuck is this? Hogwarts the Musical?!" The four came up beside him," Language ." Snape said without heat," We are just as confused as you are." Draco looked mollified and walked with the other four following the dancing pair in front of them.

Dezi and Miz were walking and talking about homework when they heard singing, they looked up and saw Mo and Amanda dancing toward them with five confused but amused looking men behind them walking quickly to keep up. Miz looked shocked," The fuck is going on here?" Miz asked, Dezi shook her head,"Dunno, I wonder if they got any left." Dezi muttered. Miz looked at Dezi,"Any what left?" she asked, Dezi grinned,"Shrooms, cuz they are triiiippin." They both giggled and stepped aside to let Mo and Amanda pass.

Mo and Amanda passed Miz and Dezi and beamed at them when the sisters waved then continued to sing and dance.

Mo: Have charity towards the world, my pet!

Amanda: Yes,yes, I know, my love!

Mo: We'll take the customers that we can get!

Amanda: High-born and low, my love!

Mo: We'll not discriminate great from small! No, we'll serve anyone, Meaning anyone,

Both: And to anyone at allllllllll!

Mo and Amanda spun one more time then stopped then Mo bowed to Amanda who curtsied back. The stood looking at each other with silly grins on their faces.

"That was amazing!" Mo gushed, Amanda bounced and hugged Mo,"Oh my God we are such a good team!" Mo nodded," You know what this means don't you?"

Amanda nodded," We have a great back and forth?" Mo nodded then said,"That and we watch waaaay to much Sweeney." Amanda laughed at that and they both jumped in shock when Snape snarled right behind them,"Explain this instant what you two were doing." Lupine and Black chimed in,"Yeah!" Draco glared and said," I am not a fop."

Harry just smiled and giggled,"That was really wicked you guys! how long have you been practicing?" he asked.

Dezi and Miz joined them. Dezi was annoyed," Oi, The next time you guys decide to prance through the halls I demand to be apart of it!!" Miz agreed,"Yeah!"

Amanda and Mo looked chastised and decided to answer the questions in order,"Reenacting a scene from our favorite movie.'' Amanda said to Snape, they looked at Draco and said together," Yes you are." To Harry Mo smiled and said,"Thanks and we didn't practice, it was spontaneous." To Dezi and Miz Amanda said,"Please reference the last answer...it was not planned." Miz and Dezi looked mollified if a little annoyed,"Fine." Dezi said," I love that movie...they fed people to people...it was sweeeet."

Snape and the rest looked confused and horrified,"They killed people and _ate_ them?" Draco asked aghast.

Miz, Dezi, Mo and Amanda just laughed and walked away without answering leaving Harry to explain muggle cinema.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~RANDOMCHAPTEROFDOOMEND~~~~~~~~~~

That is what you get when you add the Sweeney sound track to lots of caffine.


End file.
